leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A thank you letter In the event that this is being read somewhere by someone...a warning: this is not going to be remotely entertaining or of any value. To begin: my unending gratitude to you all for the love from yesterday. If you know what I'm talking about, you also know that I deleted the entry. I want to explain this action to myself, so you may follow along or not as you like. It wasn't shame or a desire to edit my life. This journal is my life, is me. Put into words, left on pages. My life, my mind, my heart are not whole. I am fractured, I am pieces. (As are we all.) We are stained glass windows. Beautiful intact. But when the wind blows too hard the window breaks and the pieces fall. They are jagged and ugly and don't seem to fit at all in the picture you see when unbroken. Yesterday the wind blew and scattered my pieces. And the words came from there. I have no desire to hide my words. But I would no more keep a small shard of glass just because it was from something that was once pretty, than I would leave the terrified words I tried to type to soothe myself. I'm not sure what I wrote. I deleted it this morning without reading it. Whatever it was, it must have conveyed some of my pain or fear, because it drew responses from several sweet souls. Know please that your kindness was a wonderful gift. Know also that love always returns to those who bravely give it. Bless each of you. Sometimes I think I won't write here anymore. (Perhaps because I tend to doubt many of my choices in life. Even simple ones like writing in this journal.) But part of me hesitates. Because in a way...I feel that this journal, these words, are one of the reasons I am alive. I know this won't make much sense, but here it is anyway. I believe: Life is only of value when it is shared. Being understood is more important than being loved. If you walk through life, unknown, invisible, you cease to exist. I am alive and real because you see me. If I give up that, then where would I be? So there it is. Thank you and I love you and I'll be back just as soon as I find all my pieces. 1:20 p.m. - April 24, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||