leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Socially unacceptable behavior What are you supposed to do when you are overwhelmed by a desire to do something that is considered completely inappropriate? For example: There is a bartender at a local dance club. She's a beautiful girl; she's actually the cousin of a friend of mine. Every time I see her, I want to grab her tits. I have no idea why. I mean I appreciate nice breasts as much as the next person, so I'm used to seeing girls on the street and thinking "Wow. Nice rack." And actually hers aren't really spectacular (nice, fake, about a c-cup). But for some reason I have to concentrate not to grab them every time I see her. They're like magnets...it's weird. Also, I have to be really careful with certain dress lengths. If it's a flowing skirt and it's a couple of inches above my knees to where I can grasp it in my fingers with ease, I want to flip it up over my torso. Like little girls do. When standing I'll continually flip the edge up all day, just what I can grasp in my hand, fighting the urge to pull the whole thing up. Now this is nuts, I know. I have no desire to be an exhibitionist, I just want to pull my skirt up. And the biting thing. I find myself wanting to bite things and people. I don't mean bite hard, rabid-dog like. Just kind of hold things between my teeth or gnaw on it gently. Mostly people's sleeves or collars and shoulders or backs or hands or fingers. I can mostly control this one, but I do indulge it occasionally. Sam is used to it and since we are often sitting very close to one another when we are hanging out talking or watching a movie, she doesn't mind if I sort of nibble on her sleeve and her upper arm. Maybe it's an abandon thing. You know...like abandoning inhibitions. Maybe I was scolded too much as a child for very minor infringements. (My mother isn't good at middle ground either. She was usually either ignoring us completely or angry with us for bizarre, unpredictable offenses.) Maybe I just shouldn't be allowed in public with all you nice decent folks. Or maybe everybody has urges like these and just doesn't tell anyone. Oh bother. (entry #3 today - my thoughts are restless again) 3:44 p.m. - April 29, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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