leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reading the roadmaps Speechless lately. Life having decided to awe me slightly. The delicate balance that is life and death / joy and suffering shown to me in no uncertain terms like one of those YOU ARE HERE maps. Surrounded by new babies; shaken by the near loss of a man who has shaped my life with both my love for him and my hate for him; an accident leaving a friend's future a large question as we simultaneously praise God for saving her life and ask him to protect her from permanant brain damage, thinking the whole time..."it could've been...Becka rides more...I ride more...Sam...thank Heaven's not Sam...dear God while I sat waiting Sunday listening to them talk about the bike I had no idea I knew her...what if, what if..."; a new gift...a heart beating near mine...uncertainty...rightness...stunned silence. Repetitive shock preventing the pondering that would bring clarity, so that there is only the blurred image of what is all around me. Not alarmed. Not scared. Not actively hopeful. Just watching and waiting for what will be next. Staring at the sign...Where am I now? 11:15 a.m. - October 14, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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