leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cause and Effect So I'm lost. Making each step uncertainly as if the floor might drop from beneath me at any moment. The girl in the mirror doesn't even look familiar. And I'm so far outside myself on this one, I can't even feel it. I can only watch it happening. Bite his shoulder, stroke his hair, roll my hips, suck his tongue. Why not? It's not me. I'm on the outside looking in, wondering where it is I've been. Danger written all over this like a biohazard label. But I can't bring myself to care. Impending pain? *sigh* Horrible mistake? *yawn* Whatever. How can I be concerned when I'm only living the life that's been offered me? Don't think I'm masochistic. I'm not suffering. I'm just dancing in the desert under a sky bleeding rain and curiosity. I'm just setting your bad example. Teaching you the art of falling apart. Serving my purpose. But why can't I feel it? I can't even feel it. Feel joy, feel pain, feel fear, feel alive. I'm just off like a switch. Are you accountable for the things you do when you're not even there? Consequences and "next please" sounding like the very same thing. God help me. 8:50 a.m. - October 17, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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