leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An improvement so far May I first thank my sweet friends who said kind and gentle things to lift my spirits. I appreciated both the "poor baby"s and the "chin check"s. (Poor Baby(s) being what you call non-judgemental, no-advice, unconditional sympathy and comfort, and Chin Check(s) being what you call telling someone to hang-in-there, keep-their-chin-up, you'll be around to save them.) Or to paraphrase my wonderful, brilliant friend: "Keep your chin up kiddo, the better for me to see down your blouse." Anyway...y'all are awesome. I love you! Secondly. A little better today. Believe it or not I had A TALK. I told him I needed to speak with him. And then I did. I told him about the pain caused by some of his words and actions, I told him what I wanted, and I asked him to explain for me what he wanted so that I could make an informed decision about staying in this or not. And I didn't back down or apologize. Granted I stuttered a lot, but I didn't apologize in my baby voice. (The one left over from childhood, the one that says you scare and hurt and use me but you can because you're the one that's supposed to be taking care of me, and it's all my fault for some reason I don't understand, and it'll be worse if I don't stay quiet and say I'm sorry for challenging your authority.) I just did it. And now it's better. He's better. Gentler. And before y'all get worried, I really am not sure he knew he was hurting me. But now he knows. So if he does it again I'm outtie. I promise. (Myself not you guys.) So thousands of thank yous and kisses everywhere I can reach. And life is pretty okay right now. 4:36 p.m. - February 25, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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