leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lime jello and G14 I'm so tired. Just bone-deep tired. All the time. And I hate that. Hate the feeling that I'm wasting beutiful evenings, and lovely days sleeping or wanting desperately to go back to bed. And I know part of it is the new night job, the resulting lack of sleep. But the rest of it feels different. Feels like I'm just worn out. Ready for the retirement home and jello and bingo night. Embracing my inner-little-old-lady. Not that I could afford any of that when it actually comes down to it, so I suppose I should practice embracing my inner-little-old-bag-lady. Pathetic really. I'm only 30. I'm not supposed to be this tired yet. And the sad part is that I feel much more energetic and pain-free when I'm around people. But the weariness and overwhelming thought of having to be social make me want desperately to avoid them, even though part of me sits there clucking her tongue, scolding that I should get out of the house. And yeah, I said pain-free. It's back you see. The pain I had five years ago. And it feels exactly the same although it hasn't reached the point of extended lengths of time like it did before. Although it is every day. And it terrifies me. If you're the praying type, pray for me please. I could use some. And not that you would ever worry about such a thing, but it is reciprocated...y'all are in my prayers all the time when things are hurting or worrying you. Sometimes your problems have even been solved, for which I take sole credit...(Just kidding, God.) Anyway, I'm fine. Really I am. Life is sweet. Wonderful library books, and crocheting, and new paint (yea for new paint). And actually a new guy too. But he's very, very new and there's not much to say yet. I just need to lie my head down and shut my eyes. Just for a few minutes more please. And, God, if it wouldn't be a bother, could you take the pain away? Not all of it. - I realize that is what makes you appreciate all that is gentle and pleasant. Just the part that makes me double over and cry and not be able to function. Thank you. Love, M 10:21 a.m. - September 14, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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