leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My speedbump I've developed a speedbump between the top of my low-rise panties and my belly button. I mean I knew this is what would happen. And I knew I loved this baby from the moment I saw the extra line on the test. But I never imagined how passionately I would love this tangible proof that something belonging to both of us is actually there. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and I just smile ear to ear. I've always had a habit of sitting with one or both hands in my lap. (A leftover from childhood and my Southern Baptist mother, I think.) But now with my hand in my lap I struggle to not press it to the speedbump, because when I do I'm hopelessly useless. I can't focus, I can't work, I can't think. All I can do is smile, and look down into nothing, that blurry space where you imagine with your eyes open, wondering what the baby is doing and what fabulous little body part is currently becoming. Like butterfly wings. In the unhappy end of news, my darling little speedbump prompted far too much vomiting at the tail end of last week which resulted in me becoming dehydrated. Not a pretty picture: sunken eyes, dark circles, chapped lips, etc. I have an unfilled prescription for something to stop it, but I kept thinking it wasn't that bad and then when I had two bad days in a row it just kinda got away from me before I knew what was happening. So the weekend was spent resting much, consuming tons of gatorade and pedialyte popsicles, and being spoiled rotten by my darling man who: cleaned my apartment to sparkling while refusing to let me off the couch, continuously called me beautiful despite the dark circles and chapped lips, and fanned out my multitude of prenatal magazines (shoved at me every doctor's visit) on the coffee table in the most adorable fashion. My heavens - I love this man. Covered in tattoos, scarred and misaligned knuckles from too many fights in his past, and he's kneeling on my carpet, darling little frown of concentration, checking to see if there is enough ice in my drink and perfectly spacing and fanning out my magazines. For every pain or injustice I have ever suffered, life has truly paid back. I am blessed. 10:31 a.m. - February 07, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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