leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My lesson (Before becoming a mother) Things I Never Knew I Would Do: Spontaneously make-up and sing songs that don't rhyme, are very out-of-tune, involve my son's name and that of his best friend/rattle "Mr. Froggy", and stop mid-verse and hum instead because I'm too tired to think what to sing next. Be completely paranoid about walking down the stairs, or even standing on my balcony for fear of falling and squashing him, or dropping him - despite my death grip on him. Not shave my legs for days at a time, becuase the baby has started to cry in the middle of my shower and I can't bear to make him cry the extra five minutes it would take me to shave. Prefer to stay home rather than go out goofing off, because even though I used to love being out all day and I'm not terribly shy about breastfeeding in public, I just hate to even remotely restrict his access to his food supply. Let DarlingDear drive my car while I sit in the back seat so that I can help the baby maintain his grip on his pacifier so he doesn't get too sad on our outings. On the rare occasions he allows himself to sleep in his crib, pick him up so that he can sleep in my arms anyway, because I miss his sweet baby smell and the feeling of his tummy pushing against me when he inhales. Lick melted chocolate off my baby. Understand the difference between an I'm hungry cry, pick me up cry, I want my pacifier cry, I'm cold cry, I'm hot cry, I'm scared of my bath cry, I want to rock cry, I don't want to rock cry, and an I don't want to be in my carseat cry. Nearly shove into a wall and actually step on DarlingDear (who was on his way to get him too) in an effort to get to my awake-and-now-crying baby. Life with a baby, has been utterly shocking. However prepared you might be, you aren't. Mostly I am stunned by how very much I love him and how utterly unimportant Everything else in life has become. It's as if the entire world around me has become a blur. I used to be a people watcher. - Very aware of my surroundings and what was taking place. A plane could crash in the grocery store parking lot, and I wouldn't notice because I was watching the baby smile. It seems to be a mother thing. DarlingDear adores the baby and is fascinated by watching him as I am, but he just doesn't seem as wholly absorbed as I feel. I make it sound like a medical condition, but it's truly lovely. It's like being handed the meaning of life in a pretty envelope. I've felt my whole life like a seeker. And then 11 weeks ago, I stopped having to look; everything was right there in my arms. 10:31 a.m. - November 10, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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