leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September and October Everything had been pretty neat. The baby turned one August 24. Life was mostly lovely. I had wanted to update here to talk about it. On September 8, a little after 3a.m. I got a phone call that changed so much. My Daddy died. After 76 years and 7 months of being a really remarkable man. He could be scary as hell, but he was very loving too. He was the only person my entire life who ever looked out for me. I had grown especially close to him (forgiving old wounds and such) in the past five or six years. And as much faith as I have that my father is with the Lord and I will see him again... I miss him now. I want to hear his voice. I want a hug. I wanted him to see my son in his halloween costume. And I want someone to belong to again, because I was always Daddy's girl. So much like him, that we butted heads quite a bit, but we "got" each other. And I go along, and go along, and it's all okay, and then I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't breathe. And then of course there is all the bullshit that goes with someone dying: Two sister-in-laws I will never really forgive for their behavior that day and at the funeral, the impossibility of trying to deal with my mom (being one of the seven who still live in the same town), just all of it. Everything else is okay. The hubby is kind, the baby is brilliant, I'm keeping my chin up. But, man is it hard to breathe. 11:48 a.m. - November 03, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||