leftunspoken's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the force of the universe and letting go...overly dramatic? who? me? I'm working on the art of letting things be what they are. It's harder than it sounds. Though sometimes I'm overcome with little waves of acceptance. It's never through contemplation or effort that it's achieved. Which I suppose is sort of the point. It's a cycle. Like the moon. One day I'm dropping all my pieces, chewing my bottom lip, and staring into space; desperate to change things. Wondering why things aren't what I want them to be. The next day it doesn't matter. Life is what it is. People are what they were always meant to be, before my desires got in the way. So fine. I'm breathing again and resigned. But sad. Because no matter how wrong I know this to be, letting go of what you wanted badly always feels a lot like giving up. (Something I automatically give a negative connotation.) I forget that sometimes surrender is the bravest response. So here's me: waiving the white flag or my panties or my heart or something else delicate in the air. Drinking too much coffee and not eating. Fearing that as soon as I'm wrapped in ribbons again; he'll be back unraveling something. They always come back. And I unravel so easily. 8:45 a.m. - March 16, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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